This rant is regarding religion. It's not to denigrate people's religious beliefs but to ask pertinent questions. In December, the world's 2.2 billion Christians celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, the son of God. Simultaneously watching TV news programmes, children are slaughtered in a brutal genocide. On the lands where baby Jesus was born.
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May this crime against humanity evoke some actual empathy in people. Both sides, Israelis and Palestinians, pray to the same God. Jews have suffered oppression and religious persecution throughout history. However, the Chosen Ones are now the oppressors. Next time, choose someone else.
Armies of different religions fought over this tiny slice of Middle Eastern land for thousands of years. Three religions emerged. Judaism, Christianity and Islam. All believe in a mono God. Now, if there is a God and he made all things. Why have humans made rules that defy God's original design? Both Jews and Muslims cut the end off a baby boy's dick before they even know how big it will become. Some extreme Muslims practice female mutilation to prevent females from enjoying an orgasm. A female without a clitoris is like a car without a steering wheel. My question is, if God made humans that way, why change his design?
Jews and Muslims don't eat pork. In times past, neither did Christians. The reason, pigs are carrion eaters and host parasites deadly to humans. Marco Polo, on his travels throughout China, observed pork being the Chinese's most significant source of protein. The Chinese overcame the problem of pigs liking to feast on dead carcasses. Their solution was a pig pen and a controlled diet.
Muslims don't touch alcohol. Neither do some Protestant religions. However, I feel sorry for Muslims who have no delicious pork, no nice cold beer or a glass of wine and four wives. Imagine if the wives' menstrual cycle did or didn't coincide; the poor bastard would have to endure PMT the whole fucking month. Christians, except for the Mormons, only have to suffer once a month. Maybe this could explain suicide bombers. He couldn't have a drink and four wives to contend with. Suicide looks like a viable option, plus the added attraction of 72 virgins. Nothing about the virgins being female, and where do they source the virgins from and their fate when no longer virgins?
Christians also have some batshit bonker beliefs and rules for different denominations or sects; some may say cults. All put their interpretations of the word of God. Christians wear a cross, a crucifixion often in gold and incrusted with diamonds to signify they are of the Christian faith. Crucifixion was the method of execution the Romans used to execute Jesus. What if the Romans beheaded Jesus or hanged him? Think about it. Mary and Joseph originally were going to call their son Bruce; however, Joseph kicked his toe. Oh, fuck wasn't an option.
Today, religion is a multi-billion dollar business in Australia alone. Halal certification raises $2 billion a year. Imagine if, say, the Catholics or the Baptists and Buddhists imposed a tax on food that went to them. The Catholic Church is the largest real estate landholder in the world. My great-grandfather contributed to their property portfolio. My great-grandfather, on his deathbed, received the last sacraments from a priest. The priest said, "Daniel, you won't go to heaven. Daniel, you are a wanton sinner, a drinker, a womaniser; you've practised various nefarious business practices. However, I can arrange your entry to heaven sign here." My great-grandfather left his entire estate to the Catholic Church.
Now, while on Catholics, of which I have some personal knowledge. Their practices were still in the dark ages when I commenced my education at a Catholic school, all these bitter, twisted nuns. Who took pleasure in corporal punishing children? The colossal statue of Jesus on the cross scared me; a nun said that's what we do to bad boys. I was a perfect pupil.
My mother's family came from Ireland. My mother told me all Irish families were required to give a son or daughter to the Catholic Church. My mother said they gave their ugliest daughter to become a nun and their stupidest son to become a priest.
The Catholic Church is not against alcohol. After all, Jesus turned water into wine. The Catholic confession is great for sinners to absolve their sins. Fornicate, adulterate, steal, lie, and break the Ten Commandments. Then, the miscreative can anonymously sit in the confessional booth and say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest then imposes methods of redemption. I remember girls washing their hands in holy water, one sitting in holy water and one gargling.
Not allowing priests to marry is an unnatural practice. As a result, many priests and brothers became 'Kiddy Fidlers.' To add to this crime, the church went to extraordinary lengths to cover up these crimes against children. They moved offending pedophile priests from parish to parish and paid hush money. This policy emanated from the Pope down. The priests were supposed to pray for children, not prey on them.
No birth control is a doctrine of the Catholic Church that's practised mainly by poor people in poor countries, the vast number of children adding to their poverty. Of course, the church has done some charitable deeds. It's slowly evolving into the 21st century; it would be better if it were dissolved. Liquidated real estate could eradicate world poverty.
In defence of religion, I must say I take offence to half-naked homosexuals parading down Oxford Street with our Catholic Prime Minister proudly marching with them. How did our prime minister acquire the nickname Anal? These LGBTUIQABCXYZ lot mock nuns, dressing in nuns' outfits and calling themselves the 'Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence.' When some of their misfit mates were dying of aids, the last comfort they received was from a nun.
The Royal Commission into Child Abuse. The predatory pedophiles weren't restricted to the Catholic Church. The Anglican Church, The Salvation Army, and Jewish schools were all guilty of sexual crimes against children.
The mega Pentecostal Churches are known as The Till On The Hill. These glory halleluja cults often attract people who are without direction in life. Bands play rock-themed Glory to Jesus songs, and a charismatic preacher says the way to heaven is to give, give, give. The passionate preacher never discloses to parishioners it also buys him a new Mercedes Benz or finances the private jet to fly between mega-mansions. The preacher's hedonistic, indulgent, extravagant lifestyle is tax-free.
These preachers claim to heal the sick, the disabled, and the blind. Just hire a few out-of-work actors. A touch on the head is a miracle cure. Why don't they attend hospitals with this beautiful power God has bestowed on them? These servants of God are not without sin. God help any young, vulnerable girl or boy taken under their wing by these degenerate, depraved, debauched disciples of God.
Religion was initially used to control the population before police, courts, and prisons. Religion was introduced to control people by offering rewards and punishment. Be good, and heaven awaits you; be bad, and hell awaits you.
The three Abrahamic religions have their books—Christians, the Bible; Judaism, the Torah; and Islam, the Qur'an, all written thousands of years ago by unknown authors. One thing women can be proud of is they never wrote these books. Some passages in all three books are astonishing. And should never be taken literally. Well, that's not true. Some fanatics from all three religions interpret the passage as being literal.
One thing puzzles me. I watched the news regarding the bushfires in Australia. One man stood by his home unscathed by the inferno. His next-door neighbour's home was destroyed. The man said, "Thank God my home was saved." Why did God save his home and not his neighbours?
In court, witnesses and the accused swear on the bible to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. On many occasions, I've made this solemn pledge and then, on the stand, lied my way out of whatever I was charged with.
The Christians preach Jesus sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins. Fucking bullshit. I wasn't born 2000 years ago, and what sins have I committed? They say if you don't believe in God, you won't go to heaven. What about the tribe living with nature deep in the Amazonian jungle who have never heard of God? What happens to them? Christian Missionaries in Australia are responsible for horrendous acts committed against Aboriginals in the name of God—the Spanish Conquistadors practised genocide on the indigenous peoples of their South American colonies. Rape of the locals wasn't considered a sin. These religious fanatics believed they possessed a divine right to impose their beliefs on other people.
In other religions, most of which I've limited knowledge, Hindus worship cows and don't eat beef.
Sikh males can't cut their hair or shave and carry a ceremonial knife. The government permitted Sikhs to have this weapon.
Buddhists are forbidden from eating any animal that breathes oxygen. Ad Confucianism. Shinto, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, and Druids. And the whacky, dangerous Hollywood religion of movie stars. Scientology.
All these religions believe in a higher being than humanity. People following these religions pursue a doctrine telling them of their final reward. All the time, they often harbour doubts and faith crises.
Religion doesn't protect them from the harsh reality of life's difficulties. Of course, some devout, fanatical religious nutter never waive from their beliefs.
To quote John Lennon's song, "Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. There is no hell below us, only sky. Imagine all the people living for today." The last line is significant because some religious fanatics care more about the mythical afterlife than the present life.
Throughout history, countries have fought wars in the name of their God, often the same God. Millions have been killed. If there is a God, why does the world have wars, famines, bushfires, and floods? Sir David Attenborough stated why he is an atheist. In Africa, a worm survives by burrowing into the eyeballs of other creatures. Sir David Attenborough noted If God made every creature, why make such a vile creature as that?
We all know right from wrong; most countries have laws to arrest and punish transgressors. People have a conscience, and I believe most people are good. One doesn't have to pray on one's hands and knees or make significant donations to live an excellent, respectable life.
Also, I haven't spoken to anyone who has returned from heaven, expressing how good it is. Having just written this rant on my deathbed, I'll say a Hail Mary beg for forgiveness. I mean, in case an each-way bet. If hell awaits me, I'll have many acquaintances, relatives and business associates.
Danny Mullane
Buy Danny's controversial memoir Car Dealers and Other (Honourable) Professions below.
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